So Lonely

So Lonely

Savanna Brewton

While sadness and loneliness are common during the holidays, the past few years have been especially isolationary as the impact of a global pandemic has created a second epidemic, loneliness (1). “Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it” (2). 

If you find yourself experiencing loneliness, you aren’t the only one. Studies suggest that loneliness is increasingly present in younger generations, 25% of young adults reporting they have no close friends and 22% stating no friendships at all (3). Research conducted during the pandemic adds that 36% of American’s responding to a survey reported “feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time”, 25% reported these feelings two months prior to the pandemic (4).

Many of us are experiencing the painful effects of prolonged isolation. Loneliness can present itself with many mental and physical symptoms. Mental symptoms can include anxiety, depression, antisocial behaviors, decreased memory and learning, suicidal ideation, domestic violence, poor decision making, and insomnia. Chronic loneliness can be linked to health conditions such as stroke, cardiovascular disease, altered brain function, Alzheimer’s disease progression, elevated cortisol levels, substance abuse, and obesity.  

Loneliness is exceedingly difficult to overcome as lonely people begin to battle with symptoms that only exacerbate their loneliness. “Lonely people are more prone to use dysfunctional emotional regulation strategies like rumination, self- and other-blame, and catastrophizing” (5). Lonely individuals often hide their feelings, avoid seeking and accepting social support, and find difficulty establishing a community (5). Thankfully, someone who feels alone can take initiative to overcome these feelings by utilizing some of the tips and activities below.

  • Avoid isolation on difficult days: “Make plans for a day you know will be tough, whether it’s your favorite night of Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s or a deceased loved-one’s birthday or anniversary” (1).

  • Reach out to others: Phone a friend, facetime, send a text or email, and engage with your community. Consider scheduling a meal, online gaming session, or another group event to remind yourself that you have a community to share your life with. 

  • Self-accountability: “Hold yourself accountable. Mark your plans on your calendar, then follow through”, make the effort to show up for yourself (1). 

  • Get physical: moving your body helps to lower stress hormone levels within the body and releases hormones that elevate your mood. Make this experience even better by hopping on a digital workout class or joining in a local workout group to establish a social community around physical activity 

  • Consider getting a pet: “Puppies and kittens are a lot of work. But, if you love pets, consider adopting an older dog or cat. Just make sure that the benefits will outweigh any challenges, including the costs of owning and caring for a pet… if you haven’t owned a pet in the past and aren’t prepared for years of love and commitment, consider a temporary gig. Maybe you can foster a pet or offer to take a friend’s dog on a socially-distant walk” (1). 

  • Get involved: “Consider community service or another activity that you enjoy. These situations present great opportunities to meet people and cultivate new friendships and social interactions” (1).

  • Practice self-care: check out our previous self-care blog post for some self-care tips.

  • Get online: “Social media, smartphones, and videoconferencing have also played a huge role in maintaining connections. Prior to COVID-19, social media was seen as something that made many individuals feel lonely. During the pandemic, however, social media was one of the few safe ways to stay in contact with other people” (4).

  • Therapy and support groups: 

    • Mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, and positive psychology can help you overcome loneliness and its associated symptoms (6).

    • Consider joining support groups in-person or online to build a community of like-minded individuals around you. 

      • Find a ‘Quarantine Buddy’-  Cornell University students created a platform called Quarantine Buddy to match users with similar interests to engage in virtual conversations (7).

  • Support others around you: Sending a kind note, text, email, letter, or care package to check in on your loved ones so they know they are loved and have support if they need it. Checking in on a friend shows them that you support them as well as opens the conversation for the support you may need as well. 

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