Food is not your enemy… and you are not broken.
Working with issues around food and body image is never easy. We live in a culture that has a seriously messed up relationship with food. We are bombarded with images and messages about needing to be thin, muscular, “fit”, beautiful but you should also be body positive and love yourself just as you are currently. We get messages that you must restrict your food and diet frequently while at the same time we are inundated with 2 for 1 specials on food, dollar meal menus at fast food restaurants, and needing to be members of the “clean plate” club. We use food to celebrate or commiserate every possible emotional state. Feeling sad? “Treat yourself and go out to eat”. Feeling happy? “Treat yourself and go out to eat”. Just got dumped? “Treat yourself and go out to eat”. Just got a promotion? “Treat yourself and go out to eat”. How do we escape the connection between food and emotions? And, for most of us, food is love. Food is how your culture was passed down from generation to generation, how someone shows they care about you, and how you are taken care of if you are sick or grieving. Dealing with food is really complicated, intense, and emotional. With so many conflicting, confusing messages, how do you sort out what is right for you? Who do you turn to for support, for guidance, and for advice?
Unfortunately, many people get a lot of messages about needing to control or restrict their food choices. Whether this means going on a diet, or “watching your carbs” or engaging in more severe disordered eating behaviors, many folks get the idea that they need to restrict certain foods or risk feeling “completely out of control” of those foods. You might avoid those foods you can’t stop thinking about because when you do allow yourself to have them, you feel out of control and eat more of it than you intended. This reinforces the idea that the desired food is “dangerous” and “not something you can let yourself have” or you risk feeling out of control again. Or, worse, you feel that something is wrong with you. You feel out of control, broken, and unable to “control yourself”.
I’m here to challenge you about this. When you restrict foods, you will begin thinking about them more often and begin to crave them. I like to say things get “really shiny” when you restrict them. You find yourself focused on it more often, thinking about it frequently and nothing else tastes quite as good. Often, you may eat a wide variety of foods to try to satisfy your hunger as a way to avoid the original desired food. Or, you do “give in” and let yourself eat the desired food but you feel out of control or you feel guilty about “allowing” yourself to have the food and you rarely actually taste the food. You are shoving the food in so fast as a way to deal with your guilt or shame (or your hunger), that you don’t really enjoy the food and can’t savor it. Then, after you are done eating, you feel even more guilty or ashamed and convince yourself that this is proof that you can’t have the desired food or that something is wrong with you.
Here’s my challenge: what if there is nothing inherently wrong with you AND nothing is inherently wrong with the food? What if the problem is in the RESTRICTION of the food? When you restrict foods, you set yourself up for a binge. You make it much more likely that you will overeat the desired food BECAUSE you are telling yourself you can’t have it. Not because something is wrong with you and not because something is wrong with that food. And, you make that food really shiny. You will probably start to obsess about a food that you maybe haven’t allowed yourself to eat for months or even years.
So, what’s the solution? I know it goes against what you’ve heard all your life but you have to STOP RESTRICTING and let yourself eat WHATEVER YOU WANT. The trick is to let yourself eat whatever you want while STAYING PRESENT and paying attention. You need to allow yourself to try foods WITHOUT THE GUILT. Eat the food slowly, mindfully, with intention. Sit down with a plate and truly savor it. No eating quickly over the sink, in the light of the refrigerator, or hiding in the car. You need to sit and eat openly without shame or guilt. You are feeding your body. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Let yourself have the food you’ve been fantasizing about and truly taste it. You might surprise yourself to find that you don’t really enjoy this food anymore. Or that you like it but it’s so rich you can only eat a few bites. Or you might love it and want some more. Over time, if you continue to let yourself eat what you are craving when you are craving it, the cravings will actually DECREASE in frequency and intensity as your body trusts that you aren’t restricting something it wants. Learning to trust your body and your ability to feed yourself in a healthy and balanced way is an essential part of life and can be possible for EVERYONE. The food is not your enemy and you are not broken.
